rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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