just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
