So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
