if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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