I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
