I wannas sexs uuuuu
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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