i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
