How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
