I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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