She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
