Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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