i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
