fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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