Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
