i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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