i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
false alarm. still invincible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
