So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There are leaves in my underwear?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
