did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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