Your tits are I can't wait for
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
