someone get that fucking seahorse.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
