"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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