I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
