I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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