U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
