Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
