you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
