like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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