The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
