glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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