does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just forgot I was standing up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
