I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
