my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
