A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
