kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
