he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
