a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
