she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
