if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dear god my vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
