i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
