she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
