So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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