Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
