I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
