the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
