I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
