I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
