I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
