then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
