at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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