i may or may not be watching the land before time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
