I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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