I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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