Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
