Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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