capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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