so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want nice things and good sex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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